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Munich at its very best!

You've got to love Munich at Oktoberfest time. There's a certain naughtiness in the air, that you don't really see in the Bavarian capital for the rest of the year. For the three week duration most locals are either drunk or recovering from being drunk. AND they are even chatty with the out-of-towners for once. But all the fun comes at a price. The trains fill up with vomit pretty quickly... normally, we only see that sort of thing in Berlin (Horrible, dirty place!)

In fact it's amazing, what with all the general destruction that occurs in Munich every year, that the locals are even still talking to Oktoberfest tourists like me. Sure, they do try to block the touries from their "exclusive" Munich club scene on weekends. But the problem is, if you dress in a good enough pair of lederhosen - then they can't tell if you are from out of town.

I suppose as long as the punters are paying for their drinks then the average Munich club owner doesn't really care - the city is known for being the place where the dollar (or Euro) rules supreme. And, someone must be flashing their cash around - check out the bad boy drink prices here at Club Paradiso (yes, that is really what the place is called).

I'll have the Goose Vodka for 240 Euro thanks!

Berlin Party parties

Results are in. Berlin has voted for it's local parliament. Just so euro of course made a brief appearance in the capital to experience it all first hand. In case you had your head in the sand for the last 48 hours: Wowi won, Angie's party (the CDU) experienced small gains and the FDP officially confirmed their total lack of popularity.

But who cares about the big boys? We pretty much knew all of that stuff before the election. What about all the other stuff going on during the election weekend? Take these guys on the left for instance. This is "The Party". They didn't get really that many votes in Sunday's elections, but they hosted a wicked S-Bahn party on Friday night in the S75. And, they dress pretty sharp. Any male German politician that can wear a decent suit is bringing pretty good credentials to the job, I reckon.

I think it's fair to say that Klaus Wowereit's party won't be searching to form a coalition with "The Party". Who Wowi picks as his sidekick remains to be seen at time of printing in fact.

But just in case - what are the policies of The Party?
- banning pub crawls city wide
- introduction of a Berlin fashion wall, the longest catwalk in the world, and
- using Prenzlauer Berg as a storage area for nuclear waste.

Land Ahoy

The big winner from the elections however was the little-known Pirate Party, who picked up nearly 9% votes despite campaigning for the first time in Berlin. Their platform of free speech and transparent politics does sound attractive to Joe Public, but the group admits that they still have a lot of learning to do. As yet they are uncertain who will be the party leader in the Berlin parliament for instance. They seem certain that they don't want to get involved in piracy on the high seas, for now at least.

Party heavies believe that the surge in popularity for the Pirates is due to a lack of any other decent political alternatives. I'm not sure though. This impressionable young Berliner on the right said he voted for them because he "liked the name".

Numbering Trees...

... is better than painting rocks. Well, only just. 

Since moving to West Germany's former capital, I have often wondered what the silliest example of bureaucracy would be which I could come across in this city. I believe this could be it.

That's right - these trees have been numbered. They form part of a long boulevard of trees beside the DHL tower which lead down to the Rhine River. All trees are numbered in ascending order as you head towards the water.

Perhaps the fauna was numbered as a precautionary measure following the recent incidents involving an elderly gentleman stealing lamp-posts and other street signage in the local area, on a bicycle.

All I can say is: thank goodness the Bonn authorities have got this under control. One less thing to worry about.

It's finally over...

Who would have thought seven minutes of video could be so taxing? Especially, unscripted video. But, I have to admit: it has been tough.

Not that Bonn has been an issue. She's been a perfect lady about all this. Every day a venue or story seemed to just be staring me in the face. And, I'm even prepared to say that I feel a closer bond to the city - who wouldn't, after a week of intimate videos together?

Looking at the commercial side of things: on average we've had 17 viewers a video. Not quite the numbers we or our sponsors were hoping for. Clearly, the project still needs time to achieve full acceptance with the audience. Still, I think this is going to take the world by storm. Payment for the series can be done by direct cash transfer to our office account.

So far, I've had one reader request to keep going with the videos - but that was "for the rest of my life" (no, it wasn't my girlfriend!). Otherwise, the overwhelming majority of just so euro readers have insisted that I stop the project immediately. Mainly because Youtube videos from the streets of Bonn just don't seem dramatic or newsy enough.

So, it's finally over. Or is it? One thing is for sure: we've done an outtakes video - c'mon you know you want to.

The "just so euro" Video Week

We promised it - here it is. The "just so euro" Video Week has begun.
Fun for all the family in 4:3 format for all our American fans.

Here's what's it's all about:



For all the updated videos click here or join us on Facebook.

Stopping Iran... in Bonn

The local Kurdish population got together last Saturday in Bonn to protest recent attacks by Iran on northern Iraq. The section of Iraq targeted in the July attacks was the Kurdish autonomic region, Iraqi Kurdistan.

It was a unique sight to see the protesters spread across Münsterplatz, the home of the famous Beethoven statue. It's not often that you see protests in Bonn - especially right in the middle of town like this one.

The latest big demo I can remember here was when locals blocked the Kennedy Bridge to voice their protest to nuclear power in Germany. Of course the numbers were huge then - over 10,000 turned out.

The anti-Iran protests last Saturday gathered together just a few hundred supporters. According to the website yekkom, Kurds number some one million in Germany. The group says that Kurds in Germany still struggle to be properly recognised as an official migrant group.

The attacks by Iran on the Kurdish autonomic region is a "developing story", as CNN would say. It certainly didn't get much coverage in western media over the recent weeks. Here is a small report from Al Arabiya for those that missed the story.

Love bridge

If you've been following this blog over the last few months, you might think that Wessies are a bit too busy going after the benjamins to be worried about such financially non-viable options as "love". Personally,  I've always wondered how couples here, in the moment of passion, could ever tear clothes off each other if the man is wearing a suit waistcoat.

But a closer look at the Kennedy bridge in town suggests that the Bonners are a more romantic bunch than you might think. In an orderly way of course. Every 2 meters along the top of the bridge there are colourful locks attached to the bridge. The little cuties are engraved with messages like: "Annika und Paul 2010" or "Für immer und ewig - Claus und Una".

They are love locks of course - that oh-so-euro symbol of everlasting love. It all started in Italy, says Wikipedia, and quite frankly I believe them. I'm told it's also very big in Cologne to attach love locks to the Hohenzollern Bridge as well, even though it is against the law. Obviously the people of NRW are lovers, not fighters.

I think it's a nice gesture - but obviously people need to work on their relationship as well though. Simply buying and engraving a lock at your local hardware store isn't going to guarantee a happy partnership for life. Although it's a major step in the right direction obviously.

Also, the Kennedy bridge is a bit wind-swept and bleak for mine. There are solar panels running along the south side and there's a tram line too. In fact, if you stand on there long enough someone rams you with their bicycle - I've seen a couple of people get knocked clean into the Rhine already, not a pretty sight.

Personally, I would be looking to go for a slightly more romantic construction really. What about Heidelberg's Carl Theodor Bridge for instance?

German Federal Garden Show

Wow, what a headline! If this doesn't bring in the hits, I don't know what will!!! Things are really hotting up here in the west. Last weekend I hit up the German Federal Garden Show (known as BUGA) in Koblenz, with two of our interns here at just so euro. I had no idea really what to expect as I generally head to sports events on Saturdays, but it seemed cultural so I thought we should head along. (These young journos have got to have some sort of benefit out of this whole thing).

One thing I had definitely been expecting though were some great flowers. I don't know... purple dandelions, a bit of kangaroo paw action, tiger-striped lillies, blue roses, something out of the ordinary. Instead, there were basically no flowers or really any living plants of any type on display. What was going on?

It might have had something to do with the location. The event took place in the Koblenz city centre and up on the site of the Ehrenbreitstein Fortress, a dusty plateau covered in old ruins and gravel situated high above the city.  Not exactly the most lush, fauna-inducing locations I could think of.

There was one saving grace though. The two spots were linked by a brand-spanking-new Doppelmayr gondela which stretches almost a kilometre over the Rhein river. The thing must have cost the earth. On the other hand, this masterpiece of Austro-German engineering might explain the exorbitant ticket prices.

20 Euros was the damage incurred for a day of fun at the German Federal Garden Show. You could buy yourself a trip to Leverkusen for that much ...not that you'd necessarily want to go there... but still!

I reckon, if Germany wants to get people back in to flowers again they need to make garden shows more accessible. These sorts of events can't be just for the boat-shoe wearing elite, or the busloads full of OAPs from southern Germany. Everyone deserves to come into a flower show and have a bit of a gander around. Of course we at just so euro got in for cheap due to our connections with the chap on the side gate, but that's not the point.

Germany is losing horticulturalists BY THE DAY because of things like this. Look at this young wayward visitor.... He had even taken to planking out of sheer boredom. Shame on you Buga, shame!

What's that smell?

It's something that all Australians notice in the first 10 minutes when they land in Germany. I didn't want to talk about it, but I feel I have to. This is not something that can go unmentioned for any longer. In Germany, in summer, the sewers smell.

And the odour really packs a punch. Think: hungover dog eating egg sandwiches off his lap.

How can a country with high-speed trains that run on time, world-leading robotics and alternative energy technology, the birthplace of Eau de Cologne(!!!!)..... still stink as soon as the temperature climbs above 20 degrees? Especially here in the west. I thought everything here smelled sweeter?

I'm calling for a complete revamp of the nation's sewer system. Any political party who campaigned on this platform would get my vote immediately!

(If I was allowed to vote that is...)

Boaty-boaty boat shoes

What is Bonn's fascination with the boat shoe? This is something that has been annoying me from day one here. Well, actually, I didn't notice it right at the start. It was a gradual process.

The first time I saw my uni-student neighbours wearing boat shoes, I thought: "Ooh, how very ironic - nice touch".   Then, our Hausmeister showed up at my door in a pair. Maybe he was a sailor, I thought. THEN I noticed otherwise stylish young women wearing them. I had never seen this anywhere in the industrialised world.

Then I realised that my young neighbours weren't wearing boat shoes to be ironic. They had a number of different pairs of boat shoes - blue, tan, natural, green suede. But then, this took the cake: I caught a down-and-out chef out the back of my local Chinese restaurant wearing a scuffed old pair, smoking a cigarette while sitting on a beer crate.

My conclusion, after two months in Bonn: boat shoes have clearly permeated all levels of society here.

Why is this such a problem for me, you ask? Well, aside from the fact that I used to get beaten up at the age of 14 (ie. way back in the 90s) for wearing boat shoes because they were uncool even then, my concern with boat shoes is that it's a classic case of people trying to be what they are not. Undoubtedly, many people here like to row. But how many of them are really sailors? Not many, I would wager, considering that sailing on the Rhine really isn't that popular, and there's no body of water here for about 70 kilometers.

There are also other concerns, such as:
- wearing them without shoes makes your feet smell,
- wearing them with socks looks ridiculous,
- when they get wet they stay wet (and the leather stains your feet and socks brown),
- they are so mainstream that it is clear you are making no effort,
- they offer no support to your foot arch,
- they are overpriced,
- they are prone to falling apart, and
- they're not actually non-slip (even though that's their only selling point).

Not that I've ever worn them, of course.

What is reality?

This is the question Bonn's students and thespians will be asking innocent passers-by this week. A series of quirky, ad-hoc performances called Reality Test will hit the streets of the city in an effort to challenge locals about their idea of reality. The whole thing is sponsored by Theater Bonn and the fringe ensemble.

The focus of the project is the "Test Centre" on Bonn's Market square. Each night up until July 2nd, live music, open-mic action and the much maligned poetry slams, are all on the programme here. Certainly the vernissage party thingo there went down well on Saturday night.

Sure... you could say this is another example of the fact that when you have a warm roof over your head and safe food on the table, you can worry about the more philosophical things in life. It's often the way here in Germany, hence the mountains of random euro stuff to have filled the pages at jse/Euroblog over the last five years. Sometimes it can be a bit lame, other times a bit too challenging: the main thing is, people are doing stuff. Living hand to mouth is just so out clearly. That's something only I do, I suspect.

Still, I'm a big fan of doing this sort of thing in Bonn. Especially if it makes old ladies - who would otherwise only go to Bonn market place to buy white asparagus - drop their groceries and FINALLY TAKE NOTICE OF THE CITY'S YOUTH!

Bon Bonn

We've received a lot of post this last week from people saying that we are being too mean to Bonn. That we are not giving the new location a decent chance. I accept that this may be the case. I will speak personally with the editors involved. Let's not forget though that "just so euro" is focused on coolness, and that therefore, on occasions, Bonn will come in for a slamming.

There are, of course, positive sides to Bonn - it's surprisingly international flair, it's wonderful outdoor lifestyle and "laast bat not leeest" (as the Germans would say) the wonderful Rhein. My way home from work runs right along the river, it's a real peach. Sometimes I just have to get off my bike and skim rocks at the freight ships. And take the odd photo as well.

You've got to pay that.

Street art, with training wheels

As I sat there on the balcony listening to my (grown adult) neighbours from the Bruderschaft singing along to Katy Perry, I got to thinking once again about the many differences between Bonn and my previous stomping ground, Berlin.

Of all the things that I miss the most from Berlin - from the cheeky radio stations to the tattooed mothers with biodegradable strollers - I would have to say that the lack of quality graffiti really is the biggest hole in my life right now. Take a look at the examples below:

Out of town sledge

This has been on the power box at the end of my street since I moved to Bonn. That's over a month! That is just not acceptable. You can't have people come to your turf and graffiti their love for a neighbouring city (and their football club, I presume) and then just let it stand.

If no-one tags over this in the next week, I'm going to have to take matters into my own hands and get the spray cans out.


Too much time on his hands

This really is quite a nice piece. It's colourful, it's got presence - you can see the vandal is at least making an effort. But what is the treble clef for? C'mon man - what were you thinking? That could be the uncoolest thing I have EVER seen.

And how did you think that the copyright symbol in the bottom right hand corner was going to help things? I used to scrawl that sort of thing on my pencil case at primary school. I suspect that this graffiti was done by the shop owner's son.

Pool-time blackout

Normally in Germany, the changing room walls at the local pool offer a good insight into a region's graffiti. In Berlin-Kreuzberg, there are tags in Turkish, in Schöneberg's pools you see "personal ads" of all sorts of shapes and sizes(!).

Bonn's changing rooms seem to be covered with cave-man like attempts at graffiti. It would be different if the walls were shiny and bare. But this is like watching a group of kindergarten kids fill out tax returns. This one definitely caught my eye: what a catchy look!

Yo, where's the party at?

Sundays in Bonn really do not get very busy from what I can see. I have been looking out the window for the last hour and have not seen anyone move - aside from one guy going through bins looking for beer bottles. As for flea market action, that classic sunday German pasttime, the closest we get to Berlin's Mauerpark bun fight is this:

Today's computer market was just awesome. Can't wait for next week's reptile exchange.

As I have mentioned before, German law demands that most shops stay shut on a Sunday. This means I wasn't even able to head to the supermarket today and debate further whether I should buy some cucumbers or tomatoes. (For those that are wondering: I'm sticking with tomatoes at the moment, but am giving cucumbers a miss.)

Behind closed doors...

There seems to be a disproportionately high number of sensibly-dressed, well-groomed chaps wandering round the streets of Bonn's Südstadt district. Ever since I got here, I have been wondering what it's all about. I haven't seen men dress like this since "Beverly Hills 90210" went off air.

It seems that many of them are residents of the borough's frat houses. In my local area, they are mainly Catholic set-ups for the male university students of Bonn. Some of these fraternities are schlagende, that means that they like to do a spot of fencing. Often people get injured pretty badly on the face during the Mensur bouts, the injury is called a smite. These injuries are traditionally seen as a badge of honour. Not all colleges are like this - increasingly they are in the minority.

The fraternities have been a bit of a target for bad press over the years. Some are accused of having over-zealous nationalistic leanings, others of being misogynistic (anti-female). It's widely thought that members receive favourable treatment in industry and academic circles, after they leave university. Vandalism to the colleges occurs every now and then.

The fraternities say that their traditions teach character - and that they also make positive contributions to the local community. I think they could make a really strong contribution to the community by discontinuing their wearing of boat shoes. Where have you guys been for the last 15 years!?!?!?!

Bonner Republik

So, we're bäck - this time from Bonn.

After receiving plenty of (occasionally threatening) fan-post asking us to keep Euroblog going, I've summoned up the courage to write my first entry. The new location will make things a bit challenging at first. The thing is: the team here at Euroblog always prided itself on giving you "the word on the street". We're not really sure we've found the word on the street here in Bonn yet. But we're trying.

In my first few weeks here I've noticed a lot of people wearing boat shoes and sports jackets, been a bit disappointed in the lack of decent graffiti and have been fascinated by the huge number of people jogging. I've also been going to work a lot. It's been like moving life forward 25 years. Except no-one has a flying car.

I think the interesting thing about Bonn is it's strained link to the past - and that will probably be a bit of a theme for the blog-o. You can sense that people here are STILL cheesed off about giving up the capital to Berlin in 1990. Day by day their old West German capital is disappearing.

Take the Bonner Republik for instance. This restaurant, situated on Adenauer Allee, used to be a real haunt for politicians and hot-shot journos in the old days. Now, the owner is selling his historic inventory and changing the name and concept of the location. The old ministry signs hanging on the wall are now for sale, the embassy gifts are going for a steal. Just drop by and name your price.

A little piece of history making way for dark-wood panelling, flat screen TVs and cut-price cocktails? Let's hope not.

This website has moved.

After five years of writing this blog from Berlin - for neither fame nor monetary reward - I have now finally moved on. I now live in Bonn. It's warmer and more pleasant (but that wasn't hard), but the question people keep asking is: "yes, but what about its coolness?".

If you would like to see Euroblog continued from the new location, then let us know with a comment. If you'd like to see it stopped, then we'd also like to hear from you. Or what about a name change? Let us know. If you couldn't care less... then why did you read down this far?

Ode to "the Crazies"

My number of remaining days in Berlin is coming down into single figures. So, it's only right that at this juncture I take time out to thank the fantastic mix of "crazies" (Ger: Spinner) that make this city what it is. There's a guy that lives near us that always writes messages about ravens. I really don't know what he wants to tell us. Here's a translation of his latest poem:

Gondel Gukolya Abraxas

In April/May 1993 I found a half-dead "raven",
because of my nut tree which is not allowed
to be harvested. But then it was!

I have a sneaking suspicion there could be a hidden sexual or political reference in there somewhere. Any help you could give me would be much appreciated.

Of course the personal stories of these people are often sad ones. Their behaviour may be because of earlier (or ongoing) drug use or alcoholism - their lives may well have been spent mainly on the streets. Most visitors to Berlin will have seen them in the train, just circling the city on the Ringbahn spouting wisdom to anyone who cares to listen. After five years here, I still always just stand up and move off when I feel my personal space is being encroached upon. I really must try to talk to one of them one day. Schwach von mir, sehr schwach.

Future of Berlin cricket in doubt...

I normally don't like to use this blog to beat my drum too much... but this week I just have to. This is the biggest untold story in the capital right now, hands down.

Berlin's cricketers received the shocking news this last weekend that the city's only ground, Körnerplatz, will no longer be able to be used for cricket. Dismantling has already begun. Talk about a king-hit! This, on the weekend when the WHOLE WORLD was watching the World Cup final from India - even the German press got involved at last.

The Körnerplatz ground has been home to Berlin and German cricket since 1948, when the British troops built a pitch here. Since then it has been used every summer, crammed full with foreigners (and a few Germans) from all works of life - all united by one thing: a love of cricket. Now those days seem over and it's all to make way for an Olympiapark guided tour, where God forbid, one of the paying guests could get hit by a cricket ball. I knew that Berlin was turning into a sell-out, but this has to be the saddest thing that the city has done so far.

Dear Berlin Senate, you claim to be multicultural and tolerant towards all of us here. Well, stop this craziness now!

Attack of the OOOFS!!

This, is Alan. We can't show you his face for reasons of privacy. And, because he's from Berlin's Office of Order (Berliner Ordnungsamt).

There's an old German saying, Ordnung muss sein (best translated to "Orderliness is a must!"). Needless to say, it isn't a very popular saying in Berlin. Or if it is used, it's always meant to be ironic. After all, everyone's just SO creative here.

But that doesn't mean that people can park wherever they want... or that's how Berlin's authorities see the situation it seems. At the start of the year they built parking bays all over the place in my area and set up pay machines too. Since then the streets have been swarming with Office of Order foot soldiers (OOOFS). Every time I park my car - honestly, every time - there is someone within a 50 metre radius checking residents' parking permits. Although, they are part of the general Office of Order, the OOOFS really do just specialise in monitoring the parking situation (long German compound noun: Parkraumüberwachung). And they are extremely focussed on just this one job. In fact, I bet that you could set a car on fire in front of them and they wouldn't raise an eyebrow. As long as the car was parked correctly.

There are arguments for and against these little guys of course. It's a really hot water-cooler conversation right now. (It's true, sometimes it is so cold we set up our water coolers to pump out hot water... just joshing, you know what I mean.) You see: on the one hand Berlin needs the money from it's hopeless parkers - the city is still massively in debt. And the OOOFS do contribute a lot of revenue-raising power. On the other hand, if the council is going to take on so many new workers, why not get them doing other useful things - cleaning the place up a bit, fixing roads or doing social work?

The difference is: the OOOFS pay for themselves of course, because they raise money for the city. Unless, it's cold and raining - then they stay inside drinking coffee. So, um... anyone for another winter?

The End of an Era

Berliners are in mourning this week following the loss of their favourite son, Knut the polar bear. On Saturday, in front of hundreds of onlookers, the big fella just rolled over and died in his swimming pool at Berlin Zoo. An initial investigation of his corpse suggests he was suffering from brain damage.

I find it hard to get really emotional about this, especially when there is so much human suffering around the world already at the moment - in Japan, the Arab Peninsula and North Africa. But that didn't stop the local tabloid, BZ, printing a special edition booklet commemorating the life of Knut and his former zookeeper, Thomas Dörflein. The Berlin Zoo says it is going to build a commemorative statue for Knut. It all seems a bit over the top really.

But I will miss him too, a bit. Over the four years of his short life, "our" polar bear became a source of constant news for the Berlin press. The death of his zookeeper, his first attempts to swim and his first romance .... we followed it all with unberlin-like enthusiasm. Now, the city is on the lookout for a new cuddly animal to idolise. Another item of fauna that will brighten up our day. But don't worry Knuto, we will never forget you.

Nuclear power? No thanks.

People in Berlin have been watching events closely in Japan over the last few days. From what I can gather many locals have a soft spot for the Japanese people. At first there was compassion for the victims of the earthquake and the resulting tsunami. Now, things have taken a turn. The impending nuclear catastrophe at the Fukushima reactor reminds people here all too well of the Chernobyl disaster in 1986. Concerned onlookers have turned to angry protesters.

There were a series of demonstrations here almost immediately after the first headlines reached Germany about problems at Japan's nuclear power facilities. Many people are still angry about the German government's late 2010 decision to extend the usage of Germany's nuclear power plants. The government (and Angela Merkel) has now bowed to the pressure, putting that decision on ice for three months. The local protests are in addition to nationwide demos across Germany, demanding a stop to the use of nuclear power.

And, of course, everyone has been expressing their dissatisfaction by flying the now famous little green, yellow and red flag which says "Nuclear power? No thankyou". This flag seems to get brought out whenever this issue flares up again. This morning I saw a man stick the emblem across the BMW badge on the front of his car.

Playing Dress-ups

Why go down to Cologne or Düsseldorf to dress up and look silly today, when you could do it in Berlin? Well, probably because there really isn't a lot of history of it here in the Hauptstadt, I suppose. Still, I went out and played a little bit of dress-ups this last weekend in a few Berlin second hand stores - I had to, I had a guest! My favourite store is STILL "Paul's Boutique" on Oderberger Straße.

Carnival Monday (Rose Monday, Merry Monday, Collop Monday ...whatever you want to call it) goes completely without mention here in Berlin. I'm not really sure the people would be up for it. In fact, it's always poo-pooed by Berlin locals when they see the footage from down on the Rhein. But you've got to admit it, they really look like they are having fun.

Berlin to Austria

It is amazing just how far you can drive a German car. A Volkswagen will last forever, a Mercedes taxi regularly clocks up over 300,000 kilometers in its lifetime and BMWs in Berlin can get stolen up to ten times before they start to lose their appeal. But what about that bastion of East German engineering, the Trabant?

Well, this little beauty got all the way down to Annaberg near Salzburg in Austria. Then it obviously gave up the ghost ... and some enterprising restaurant owner nailed a sign to it.

Kaffee Burger

Just the other day I headed around the corner to one of the city’s favourite East German retro locations: Kaffee Burger. Yeah, you probably know it. If you've stayed in Berlin for more than two nights you definitely do. If you somehow missed it, then there's no other way around it: you're going to have to come back.

It’s not a Café at all of course. It’s a unique hovel of original retro furnishings and papier-mâché walls, with all the trimmings. It’s a club and a bar all in one – but it’s not like any of those horrible big places that you are thinking of called “Melt” or “Liquid” or whatever. It’s a genuine former East German bar to start with and there is way too much brown. The drinks board still shows prices in Ost-Marks. It feels like everyone's a communist brother or sister, united together in good spirits. Actually, everyone’s a tourist (or pretending to be one) and is probably trying to get laid.

The music is good fun too - mainly because the slide from Indie to Pop just happens so seamlessly and, most importantly, because no one is afraid to dance. Most nocturnal Berliners spend all their night at a club looking for an excuse NOT to dance. And there are so many ways to do that: you can smoke, continuously order cheap drinks or just stand there looking bored and play with your fringe. That’s not the way in Kaffee Burger though. People dance and sweat and kiss.

At about 3am I was standing at the edge of the dance floor looking across to one of the older guys who I had come in with - he was still whipping around like a frog in a blender. Beside me a young American couple, who had just got to know each other, had broken off their snogging and were looking on in amazement: “Who let that bald guy in? He's going crazy!”, she said.

I went home at 5. It was Monday after all.

The Beauty Board

This week I was in the bathroom of my local café, when I found myself looking at something quite unique. No, get your mind out of the gutter - it was a Beauty Board for men. To the surprise of other patrons, I quickly took a photo to record the moment.

It's not often these days that - as a man - you go to the bathroom and are confronted with a broad range of grooming equipment. If it is there, you are probably staying at an expensive hotel and it's generally not self-serve. Tips are even sometimes required. So, at first glance I was pretty impressed with this fixture. But, now that I've had the chance think about it, I'm not so sure. It's a nice idea, but it is also a trifle dodgy.

It's the personal nature of some of the items that really has me uncertain. I mean the hair gel and the mousse are fair enough for Berliners (although most of them would be carrying it already). Even the mouthwash may be useful on occasions. But a shaver? A toothbrush? I think this is crossing the line. You really should have to bring your own toothbrush and shaver to a café if you plan to do your full ablutions there. These really are personal items in my opinion.

By the way: first reader to guess the name of the café get's a free German-style toiletries bag. You know, the one with the hook on it, that they always hang up behind the bathroom door when they stay over?

Gentry Fication

This place on the left on Brunnenstraße is just one of many apartment blocks that has been cleared in Berlin recently, to get rid of squatters and make way for something new. On the front of the building is the graffitied message "we are all staying". Although the squatters were kicked out over a year ago - nothing has since happened to the site.

Squatting was back in the Berlin news again this last week with the highly publicised forced eviction of the inhabitants of Liebigstraße in Berlin-Friedrichshain. The tenants - who had previously been squatters - had been told by the landlords to leave ages ago, but they had been fighting in the courts up until the last minute to be able to remain in the building. In the end big business, and the riot police, won out of course. But 2500 police were needed for the operation, 40 of them were injured.

Wandering about on Saturday night in Kreuzberg, I saw the remains of the protesters. They had been fenced in by police because they had been taking part in a non-registered demonstration. That sounds surprisingly like something else in the news recently. Police were seemingly afraid that the demo would turn into something similar to what happened on Friday night, as protesters damaged windows and cars in central Berlin as they passed through.

For me the whole media hullaballoo and the accompanying protests are not just about evicting squatters, but are part of a larger issue. The squatters were just one of the many subcultures that were previously permitted to happily exist in Berlin up until about twenty years ago. But since then the city has started to undergo rapid gentrification. And THAT'S what people are up in arms about.

Putting up with squatters goes hand in hand with tolerating drunk punks and completely untalented musicians on the U-Bahn, so the argument goes. It's what gives Berlin its charm. It's what makes the city cool. To outsiders the argument might seem unrealistic. But, it does have some credence I think. After all no-one wants wealthy people like these two on the right moving in to their area, do they?

Old McDonalds

I seem to be running into a lot of children's zoos in Berlin lately. Not only did I have a work Christmas party at a children's zoo a couple of months back (as you do), but I also stumbled across one today at Mauerpark, on the site of the former Berlin Wall. Everyone here always says the little zoos are important so that Berlin kiddies get a chance to hang out with animals - otherwise they'd never get to know what goats and sheep really look like. Now, I don't recall spending my childhood rubbing shoulders with goats and sheep. And I survived. In fact by the time I was ten years old I could have happily told you the difference between a King Parrot and a Rainbow Lorikeet. Couldn't do that now... and neither could you.

Having well-rounded kids is all well and good you see, but I'm also a little bit concerned about the well-being of these urban animal performers. How does a goat feel, being gawked at all day and then petted until his horns start to hurt? Not good, I imagine, not good at all.

Just because you're a "hardy animal" doesn't mean you should be forced to put up with everything. The city does have a big zoo too you know. Kids can go there and see a whole bunch of animals, in a professional setting. These children's zoos seem to have a pretty meagre starting line-up too: a sulky-looking goat or two, a pony, some rabbits and a sheep. Well, that's not going to do it, is it? Kids today want the full entertainment package. A polar bear with a girlfriend or an octopus who tips football games - something with a little bit of pizazz. Bring back Knut, all is forgiven.

Like Berlin.... but such a long way away.

So I decided to take a break from blogging for a while. So what!? You survived, and so did I. And, what's more, the world is still turning on its axis.

Anyway, the break was long overdue - I was becoming jaded. After all, you don't want me to just show up here every Monday and write any old rubbish, do you?? So, I did what everyone does when they head off on holidays. I ended up landing in a place which kind of reminded me of the place I had just departed from.

My "this kind of reminds me of Berlin" location was Melbourne, in good ol' Australia. On first inspection the similarities seem clear - both places have pretty dodgy weather, are a bit graffiti-ed and run down and everyone in both cities thinks they are in some way "a creative". And architecturally, there are links too. Take a look at the two pictures below for instance. Which one is Berlin do you think?



See? You can't even tell can you??

Anyway, whenever Germans go to Melbourne they always tell me how "European" it is. I think that's a load of twaddle. Some Berliners will also go as far as to say, it reminds them of their own city. But, just for fun, let's see how Melbourne stacks up against the German capital on the big issues.

Dog Poo Levels
Berlin is the clear winner on this one. Melbourne residents don't seem to own many dogs per capita. And when they do, they clean up after them. That is just plain wrong.

Joggers
Pleasing to see that just as many people stay in bed on a Sunday in Melbourne as they do in Berlin. None of that mindless jangling while waiting for the walk signal to turn green - let the Sydneysiders do that. Split points on this one.

Trams
Melbourne just ahead on this count. Berlin is only half-covered in trams (only the Communist former east seemed to get into it), while Melbourne's trams are pretty regular and there is also a circle line to entertain the tourists.

Dodgy looking rivers
The Yarra versus the Spree. This was always going to be close. I wouldn't touch either river with a barge pole, but I suspect Berlin comes out with the nastier water quality. Another tick for Germany.

Mega-stadia
Two way tie. Melbourne's MCG might be more mega, but the Berlin Olympic Stadium seems to ooze a little bit more history.

Angry residents
I'm not sure that Melbourne really wants to compete on this one. But if they did, they would lose comfortably. The locals in Melbourne are very chatty and even friendly. No Berlin train conductor has ever answered a request with "too easy".

Conclusion:
Berlin is more Berlin than Melbourne. Scoreline is 4-2 to Germany, Podolski with the hattrick. It was bound to happen.

Gone fishin'

Euroblog's editorial staff have disappeared to somewhere warmer for a while, for what is now their traditional winter break. For us it's a time of personal reflection, inner sanctum and intestinal renewal. For you, it should be a chance to simply enjoy life again.

We'll be back on the 23rd of January with tales of yearning and disappointment from Berlin - BE THERE!!!!