Attack of the OOOFS!!

This, is Alan. We can't show you his face for reasons of privacy. And, because he's from Berlin's Office of Order (Berliner Ordnungsamt).

There's an old German saying, Ordnung muss sein (best translated to "Orderliness is a must!"). Needless to say, it isn't a very popular saying in Berlin. Or if it is used, it's always meant to be ironic. After all, everyone's just SO creative here.

But that doesn't mean that people can park wherever they want... or that's how Berlin's authorities see the situation it seems. At the start of the year they built parking bays all over the place in my area and set up pay machines too. Since then the streets have been swarming with Office of Order foot soldiers (OOOFS). Every time I park my car - honestly, every time - there is someone within a 50 metre radius checking residents' parking permits. Although, they are part of the general Office of Order, the OOOFS really do just specialise in monitoring the parking situation (long German compound noun: Parkraumüberwachung). And they are extremely focussed on just this one job. In fact, I bet that you could set a car on fire in front of them and they wouldn't raise an eyebrow. As long as the car was parked correctly.

There are arguments for and against these little guys of course. It's a really hot water-cooler conversation right now. (It's true, sometimes it is so cold we set up our water coolers to pump out hot water... just joshing, you know what I mean.) You see: on the one hand Berlin needs the money from it's hopeless parkers - the city is still massively in debt. And the OOOFS do contribute a lot of revenue-raising power. On the other hand, if the council is going to take on so many new workers, why not get them doing other useful things - cleaning the place up a bit, fixing roads or doing social work?

The difference is: the OOOFS pay for themselves of course, because they raise money for the city. Unless, it's cold and raining - then they stay inside drinking coffee. So, um... anyone for another winter?